Shades Of Life

What happened

2009-04-13T13:03:00.001+08:00

what happened?? like cereally?

Obsession gone wild

2009-02-04T00:31:00.002+08:00

I know that after tonight
you dont have to look up at the stars.

RE: Sabo-ed

2009-01-16T10:07:00.002+08:00

It was not nice.
How would you feel getting all humiliated like that?
Kan dengki?
you laugh at other people's pain.
tak cukup ke nak malukan orang macam gitu ajer.
sampai nak kene bilang satu Sinagpore,
seriously.

I put up a smiley face because
I don't want to be seen as a bad joke.
But hell no, you do NOT know how it feels.

It's ok if you did it for your own entertainment
but spreading it for the world to hear?
that's just too much.

I feel so fucked up right now.

What do you achieve by doing this to me?

My own mum calling me stupid.
How does that make you feel.
People looking down on you.
All the years of building a reputation
seems to go to waste.

I know that from today onwards,
every time, I try to voice out my opinion,
I will surely get shut down and this reason will be used
again and again.

Yeah, Ive played jokes on people.
But was it this bad?
Ya Allah, forgive me of all my sins.

I know one thing is for sure,
I will not be the same Hajar anymore.
I used to love it when family is around.
But being around those who LOVE to see me humiliated
is another thing.
I cant be normal around them anymore can I?

There's one thing about this family that
I keep wondering about.
We get so close to each other,
but the closeness is hell when it comes to this situation.

I promise, till I die, I will NEVER
EVER in my life play a prank on ANYBODY
never HUMILIATE them
NEVER laugh out loud at them.
NEVER join those forces who gather together
to LAUGH at someone.
I promise myself and the world that
I will not do those things I pledged not to do
till I reach my deathbed.

P.S. Ya Allah, please let this matter die down ASAP.
And please let me get through this ujian unscathed.

Kental

2009-01-01T12:56:00.002+08:00

Syo. kau kental. To the max punyer..
so lesson learnt.
Dont 'ah' when you dont know. HAHAHA

and oh, the last post is not about anybody
reading this blog.
and plus the title is incest.
(it has to be about a family member dumdum)

life's great so far.

not much use for this blog. yet.

bukan incest eh.

2008-12-13T22:38:00.002+08:00

Ok lah.

we used to have a thing in the past.
yeah. now you have a girl
but that doesnt mean we should never talk.
come on..
i hold no grudges seh.
rabak.

Picture on my table

2008-12-09T00:17:00.004+08:00

Ram's football.
0725a.
I freaking miss the days.
I'm holding a 75,
Siti holding a 100 and
syo holding a 50.
and dansu is in the toilet.
HAHA.
and I think Rusydi's pose
is so mentel.
HAHA
:)

Hope

2008-12-07T21:28:00.000+08:00

Hope

2008-12-07T20:56:00.003+08:00

As I close my eyes.
I wander off to places I never been.
As I shut all hearing.
I wish I could hear words of heart.
As I throw all senses
I became a part of it.
A part of nature.
A part of life.
I wish I could be happier.
I wish I could smile more.
Live everyday to the fullest.
As if tomorrow's the end.
But I woke up.
I came back to reality.
People die to grasp the tiny bits of my life.
People suffer to be where I am.
People cry seeing I have all they want.
I sit thinking.
Maybe, just maybe
I could give some.
And maybe someday I shall.
Wait for me. At the other end of the road.
I shall reach. And I shall find.
Wait for me.

Happy

2008-12-02T19:58:00.000+08:00

life's great.
cant ask for more.
:)

no?

2008-11-30T22:54:00.003+08:00

I really think it is a great thing tt everyone thought and missed me.
But Loves Everyone??
(there's always a but..)
TT's a bit harsh.

Or maybe it is just me.
Oh well.

P.S. : Syo, shhhhh

cycle

2008-11-29T17:47:00.001+08:00

i cant help but feel this way.
i have to be strong.
I really have to.

i need to know the world is round.

Reality

2008-11-29T09:48:00.003+08:00

I think I didn't realise how important
those close to me are.

People have different opinions
and I have to respect that.
Just like they respect me..

And I have to shut my mouth a little more.
:)

?

2008-11-28T21:32:00.001+08:00

i think it was pms.

Ohh...

2008-11-28T11:29:00.000+08:00

losing out????

paper ah

2008-11-27T21:35:00.001+08:00

macam tak kisah jeeekkkk.
oh well

Random

2008-11-24T01:00:00.001+08:00

Abeh, tanyer Bday orang biler ah..
Random.
Err..

Stop it

2008-11-23T13:17:00.001+08:00

Eh.
Stop it seh.
Believe in yourself.
Stop doing what you doing that sia.
Irritating bodoh.
Serious.

Syo, kau aje lah yg bace ni blog.
Wait, syahid pon.
Errr.
diam diam sua...
:)

Rude?

2008-11-21T20:37:00.003+08:00

OK. I am rude.
But dont go on blaming my cousins for my behaviour.
Every year.
Every single time.
Every visit.
Every sleep over.
YOU SAY THE SAME THING.
You know who the hell you're referring too?
My cousins.
Your sister's children.

It has always been me.
So dont you point your fingers at them.
How could you?
Is your heart that stained?
My cousins.. you call them stuff. How could you?
I seriously cannot accept any of what you just said.
ANY of it.

You want slap me, you want kick me.
you want throw me out.
Go ahead..
But you done go blaming my cousins.
YOU DONT EVEN FREAKING KNOW THEM.
So shut ur pie hole.
Im the one to blame.

KIV

2008-11-20T13:01:00.005+08:00

Wah. I seriously think he was a WOW man.
But. OH NO. change my mind.
I saw him and he was wearing
skinnies, tight shirt.
and he was all dominating and cracky and stuff.
ERRGH.
Then he had a lighter which indicates err..
Then we were discussing pasal dinner.
He said, New York, New York.
Abeh, kiter kater tak halal.
abeh dier tahu and dier kate, tak kisah ah.
MAMPOS.
Tan pon leh ketuk kepale seh.
Wah, what happened?
I mean, people change, but you, you changed for the worst.
All the best in life dude.

I once told someone change is constant.
I will change but i hope never in the direction this guy took

I think I know why..

2008-11-18T09:52:00.001+08:00

Wah.. tak ajak perrrrrrr.
Baik....
all the best ah eh hidop..

---(bla, bla, bla)---

2008-11-16T15:56:00.002+08:00

1. It is his birthday today.
18 years old.
I wished him during bowling yesterday at 12.16 I think.

And yes, we chatted for a while.

It was fruitful I guess...

We talked about A's, going out sometime, getting a job,

watching TV, bowling etc etc etc...

I have to say I do not have any of that kind of

emotions towards him anymore

but a friendly chat was great to kill time.

2. Her.

Im pissed. That's all.

More or less?

2008-11-16T02:44:00.005+08:00

can I really forget?
Can i really let go?

too close to part.

Or so I think.

I Miss Him?
Maybe

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

Stronger

2008-11-15T01:23:00.000+08:00

How it still holds on tightly
despite all the trash that happened.
one word --> Stronger

HELLOSTRONGERFRIENDSHIPS!

And hello ugly selendangs. HAHA

Hardship

2008-11-14T12:33:00.000+08:00

They say you will be the bestest of friends
with those you experience hardship with.
Going through thin is easy peazy.
But going through thick is what matters.
She, is one of those people
who went through thick with me.

We know each other like the back of our palms
or something.

She never fail me in thinking exactly what
I am thinking when we are in water.
This kayaking chemistry is still going on.
During OBS, we partnered for kayaking.
I mean, we are good kayakers.
But we still need to be versatile enough to change partners.
So we are not that versatile.
Plus, I have been training with her for 4 years.
What do you expect?
And obviously, we kayaked smoothly.
We need not go over the whole timing, teaching process.
Tedious.

We Rock Socks.
:)

P.S. Yang Baik dtg Dari Allah s.w.t.
yang buruk dtg dari kiter.
Alhamdullillah, dengan kejayaan.
Tapi tanpa kehendak Allah, tak menjadi ni sumer.
Alhamdulillah Ya Allah, kerana
telah kurniakan hambamu ini
dengan keluarga bersatu, teman2 yang baik.
dan kehidupan yang indah berseri.
:)

Truth about Whiners

2008-11-13T21:41:00.000+08:00

I Seriously hate whiners.
They put themselves permanently
in this spot in my life that is
considered the untouchables.
They worsen their status even further
if they are a sucky person.

For example.
there is this person.
A whiner.
A nice person. But a whiner.
Makes me go berzerk sometimes
but because the person's nice,
Im ok.

But another person i thought was nice
used to whine.
i tot it was ok becos i TOT
the person was nice.
But since the person is not nice
i hate the person.

and my mum whined.
i said stop.
but she is my mum and i love her regardless

so the point is,
if you are not family and you are not nice.
DONT COME WHINING TO ME.
I hate it.

The secrets that lie within

2008-11-12T16:08:00.001+08:00

Ya Allah
Jika dia benar untukku
Dekatkanlah hatinya dengan hatiku
Jika dia bukan milikku
Damaikanlah hatiku
Dengan ketentuan-Mu

Why are some people like that?

2008-11-11T04:57:00.000+08:00

I have used-to-be friends
that just won't shut their air hole.
They keep telling lies
as if nothing will happen to them

I mean I tell lies too.
Who doesn't.
But a major lie, NEVER.
I know I will somehow be caught red handed.

1 lie will lead to another one
which will eventually leave you in deep shit.

2005 - June. Lies upon lies after lies on top of lies
Where does that lead her?
- in a pile of shit
2008 - Late August
Lies beyond lies which are lies till lies are also lies
because lies are all lies which lead to more lies
And where does that put him
- In deep shit.

2005 case - all friends abandonment
2008 case - all friends abandonment

Again, pile of deep shit.

2005 case - one of the top students
became - one of the worst

2008 case - yet to find out

repeatingly, again in deep shit.

Names

2008-11-10T10:36:00.001+08:00

Hulaif Zahiruddin
Sirhan Hulaif
Sirhan Zahiruddin
(Sirhan -Berani bagai Singa)
(yang setia dan pembela agama)

Hakim -bijaksana

Zubaidi - pilihanku yang terbaik.

husni zainul mutaqqin
(Yang indah dan perhiasan orang bertaqwa)
Husni Zailnul Ariffin
(Yang Indah dan perhiasan orang arif)

Harith Zawir
(Kuat berusaha dan ketua dan pemimpin)
Hazmi Zabir
(ketegasanku dan pintar serta kuat)

Huriyyah Zafrah
(bidadri kemenangan)
Hayfa Zuhriyah
(lembut suara bunga)
Haziyah Zalfa
(Suka orang lain, yang di puji, yang disayangi, kulit mutiara)

http://name.crazyartzone.com/

123 Test Test

2008-11-07T18:01:00.000+08:00

And this is another blog.

I can rant to myself without even being known.

If discovered, so be it.

This is where

1. I try new stuff taht I want to try on my regular blog.

2. Just maybe some things I wish not to say at my regular blog.

So. Enjoy.